Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
