I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
organizing the empties. That sober.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
