Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
