i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
