my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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