you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
too bad you live with your parents still
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
