I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
