anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
That reminds me...we need to get swords
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize