She just used a chaser for red wine.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
