She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
