from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
