Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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