You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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