I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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