I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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