come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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