I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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