the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
