Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
