Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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