All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
