This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
