just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
