she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
