Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
