there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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