she was so not down for the gang bang
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
