Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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