Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
