Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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