im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
