she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize