I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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