If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
