i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize