Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
