so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
