one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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