Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
