Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
