dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We talked him into tasing himself.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
