Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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