Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's shark week go big or go home
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
