There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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