I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
How does one acquire holy water?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
