YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Randomize