I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
