I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
