I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
