did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
