Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
