i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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