I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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