wat bout pragnant strippers??
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
