Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
