one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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