I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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