its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
