he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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