Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
