my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
