Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
