How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Too much gin, very little bucket
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
