i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
