Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I can't put those talents on a resume
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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