what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
