I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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