Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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