It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
