shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
