this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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