If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
