now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
