On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
