found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
