Umm I'm too high to move.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
