there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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