Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
