well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
