I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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