She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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