can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
