***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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