I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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