glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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