You're completely useless in the revolution.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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