1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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