I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
