You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
