I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
