The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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