well I can't set my house on fire every night
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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