So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
