did you get engaged???
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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